Subject: Re: Big Beautiful Birthday Parade
Borowitz:

But here’s the shocking part: Trump’s only actual talent—a knack for putting on a TV show—failed him horribly.

Here’s how John Ismay of the New York Times described what will go down in history as the most tedious military parade ever:

“Overall this was a pretty listless and low-energy parade and crowd. People wearing Trump paraphernalia far outnumbered those wearing Army hats and shirts from what I could see. There were no speakers along the parade route, so spectators couldn’t hear whatever was being broadcast by the announcers closer to the reviewing stand.”

Shorter version: sad trombone.

It was an excruciatingly boring slog. Melania fell asleep. Shit, Trump fell asleep. You know you’ve created a snooze fest when the most alert-looking dude in the audience is Pete Hegseth.