Here are just a few of the highlights from the Lord's chosen holy vessel on Earth's speech yesterday in Iowa, an especially unhinged word salad extravaganza:

Telling one of his "sir" anecdotes: "He said serve [Trump meant to say 'sir' but was slurring a lot yesterday], 'If George Washington and Abraham Lincoln came back from the dead and decided to run as president and vice president, you'd beat them by 35 points.'"

"You know what I have to do? I have to make speeches in Iowa tomorrow. I have to work. I could be home in one of those beautiful places. No, but I have to." [There's a nice compliment for the home state folks.]

"All I know about magnets is this: give me a glass of water, let me drop it on the magnets, that’s the end of the magnets."

"First they say, 'Sir, how do you do it? How do you wake up in the morning and put on your pants?'"

"Nikki Haley has been in the pocket of the open borders establishment owners her entire career. She's a globalist. She likes the globe."

"You should all stay in those voting booths. You should stay there and watch and if you see bags of crap coming into the voting areas, you gotta' stop it. You can't let it happen."

"But our country's not great. We’re laughed at all over the world. We don’t do well in anything. We have people that go, they don’t know."

"I have worse than Al Capone. Okay? And he's about as bad as you get. He's a mean guy. This was never in my plan, being indicted."

On Jan. 6: "By the way, there was Antifa, and there was FBI. There were a lot of other people there, too, leading the charge. Leading the charge." [So January 6 was both an inside job and an Antifa attack.]

"We have no leadership on our side. But Viktor Orbán, the most respected man -- probably the most toughest man in Europe, maybe beyond Europe."

He warned the audience that migrants are coming here to replace them, people “who don’t speak our language”. He mocked stuttering and impersonated president Biden stuttering. He gave a Mafia-style warning to the Supreme Court and said getting Brittney Griner home was a tough trade as the audience groaned. And, of course, he did his two fisted Elaine Dance after leaving the podium.

And this comes on the heels of a 47-post hangry rant on Truth Social about E. Jean Carroll.

What a guy, what a candidate, what a POS.