Vance Pivots Again, Hard

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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)

"Desperate to rebrand himself after Tuesday’s Republican wipeout, on Thursday JD Vance revealed that he has converted to Islam.
Vance, who was previously named James Donald Bowman and James David Hamel, will now be known as JD Abdul Zohran El-Sayed.

“As Allah is my witness, I believe I have one more pivot in me,” he said.

The former Mr. Vance made the stunning announcement while on tour for his latest book, Halalbilly Elegy."

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